anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
