so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
