Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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