I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
