tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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