Can i not drive my cunt home
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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