Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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