just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
