my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
