so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
