and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
