Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
