Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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