hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
