My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
