My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
