i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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