I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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