Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
