I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
