she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
