I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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