ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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