Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
