I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
