During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
