My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
