Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
