chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
