Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
