i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
