Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize