More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
