Is it because I queefed?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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