I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
