It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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