I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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