I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
