she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
