i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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