Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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