I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
