I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
