He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
