I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
