It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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