he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
