If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
