I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
