I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
