The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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