grandma shit on top of the toilet
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's rum buckets o'clock
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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