AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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