Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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