I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
