remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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