i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
