Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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