I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
