I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
