I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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