it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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