Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he shaved USA in his pubs
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
