As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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