I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
