I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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