I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
