he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
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ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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