I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
