i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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