you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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