i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
