I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
