I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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