ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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